Stop or Go a relationship

You’re wondering if you want to stay with your partner. You feel lonely, misunderstood, frustrated, and you’re not sure how to change that. His behavior confuses you. Most of the time he’s angry, but sometimes he’s very kind. He doesn’t help you with the household very often, but this morning he did put the garbage out. He doesn’t seem to care much about your work, but yesterday he suddenly asked if you like your job. He’s always out with his friends, but now he surprised you with a romantic dinner.

You’re trying hard to figure out whether it’s better to stay or to leave, but you’re not making any progress. The more you think about it, the more confused you are. You are losing sleep, and the sleep you do get is patchy and restless. You’re swinging back and forth between staying or leaving. One moment you’re convinced he’s a bad choice and you’d better leave him, but the next moment you get anxious and afraid that you won’t manage on your own. You are looking for reasons to stick it out, telling yourself that “it’s not that bad, he doesn’t drink, my sister’s husband is much worse,” or “I have to compromise, everybody has to bear his cross, perfect relationships don’t exist,” and so on.

These one-liners won’t help you out, not even a tiny bit, and neither will all of your friends’ opinions. Every friend you share your problem with will offer you their own particular piece of advice, according to his or her current situation and belief system.

You are at a loss. What to do? Where to turn? Your head can’t help you because, as a logical executive, your brain is not equipped to resolve problems of the heart. Your brain can’t get you out of this terrible gridlock, simply because it’s a heart matter. You won’t need your brain functions until after having come to a decision.

How can you hear what your heart is telling you? How can you be sure you’re making the right decision? Follow the advice below and find out!

Rather than focusing on your problems, instead focus on your mission on Earth. Rather than obsessing over your relationship and desperately trying to find a solution, instead concentrate on yourself and on the reason of your being here on Earth. Occupy yourself with your life goals. You don’t have any? Then setting up your goals will be the first step to take! You don’t know what you are living for? Then this will be your first priority: to find out who you are, why you are here and what your specific mission here on earth is about.

Focus on yourself and your mission. If you are not clear about your mission here on Earth, then start by actively searching for your purpose. Find out! Grab a book or an Internet course and discover your reason of being on Earth here and now.

You already know your mission? Then increase the focus on your personal goals and do all it takes to achieve them. You don’t know how to do this? Learn it! There are plenty of courses available on the Internet or in any library that will guide you step by step towards the realization of your dreams.

So stop focusing on your relationship, stop driving yourself crazy running around in circles and get to work at what really matters in life: you, your mission, your passion, your specific talents and what you came here to do. I can assure you that as you focus on what really matters, very soon you will acquire a new, clear perspective on everything in your life, including your relationship.

A good relationship is one that supports you in the pursuit of your mission and dreams. A bad relationship is one that disregards your dreams, keeps you from them, or laughs at you when you set out to achieve your goals.

Don’t focus on your partner or your problems. Focus on your talents, discover them, develop them, and offer them to the world. Let’s say you are wondering whether you will stay with your partner. Well, instead of torturing yourself with this question, ask yourself what you are here for, and find that out first! What excites you? What did you like to do as a child? What gives you an energy boost? Which activity feels natural to you? What is it that you accomplish without effort? Go do it! Attend workshops that further develop your talents. Become an expert in what you are already good at. If you don’t know what that is, then now is the time to go find out!

Focus on your mission and see what happens to your relationship.
A good relationship will help you on your way.
A bad relationship will try to hold you back.

Genuine Love

We have emphasized that romance is needed commodity in marriages today, but love means far more than just the feelings expressed in romantic affections as important as they are. “We do not fall into love; rather we grow into love.” Love in marriage matures as a couple applies the principle of love in everyday life. Genuine love then, goes beyond the feelings of love and becomes a principle that must be put into action. We must not only expect to be treated with love and consideration.

Yet it is very difficult for most of us to consistently express our love in day in and day out. Few of us feel like being tender, thoughtful, considerate and helpful everyday of our lives because our feelings are easily altered by moods, food eaten, the weather, illness, the reaction of our mate toward us and a host of other variables. Since feelings are unstable, those who contend that love is primarily a feeling will make unstable lovers. They will proceed through life indulging in what feels good and pursuing “that old feeling” immortalized in song.

Of course, feeling constitutes a component of love. Love wouldn’t be very interesting or much fun if we didn’t have “that feeling”. Indeed, the first attraction between individuals rests primarily on feelings and a love relationship will hardly ensue unless love feelings surface.

However, in marriage, some of the early feelings of young love dwindles. No one can constantly live at an emotionally feverish high. When those first feelings diminish, moments will come when emotional satisfaction in the relationship seems relatively low. Negative feelings may poison the atmosphere. At these times, We must exercise the principle of acting love. With the passing og time and by exercising the principles of love, young love can mature into a more genuine love that binds hearts and lives together—counteracting negative feelings.

Affection to your mate…

From the crib to the grave, we all reach out for someone to love us and for someone we can love. Indeed, love is necessary for survival. Without it, we lose the will to live; our mental and physical vitality lessens; resistance lowers and fatal illnesses can result. When we experience love, we glow a radiance that affects us physically, mentally, socially and spiritually.

For the lack of love, thousands commit suicide each year. Another multitude flock to the divorce courts to free themselves so that they can begin their search for love again. Mental hospitals hold many who, for the want of human affection have slipped beyond the reach of sanity. Battered and neglected children suffer marked signs of neurosis and psychosis. Research has shown that infants who lack a close, affectionate relationship with their mothers not only reveal signs of emotional disturbances but are physically dwarfed as well. Within the homes for senior citizens sit thousands of aged fathers and mothers – unnoticed, unloved and dying a tear at a time for want of affection.

When love fails, marriages fall into ruins and impossible frustrations deluge those involved and those around them. Such emotional pressure results in juvenile delinquency, adult crime, alcoholism and various forms of drug addiction. Finally, the attempt to destroy one’s self may end this ruinous cycle. “It is love that spins the universe and when we fail to use love properly, all life suffers.”

The truth is, we all crave love in huge quantities and sometimes it seems that we can never get enough. Love is, in fact, the single most important force contributing to our total well-being. Impelled by its motivating power, we can forge ahead through life’s bitterest moments and withstand insults and cruelty.

We must be realistic about such wishes, however, for it is unlikely that we will ever be loved as completely as we might wish to be. Anyone expecting unqualified love all the time expects more than is humanly possible from another person. Furthermore, it is only realistic to recognize that – right or wrong – society demands a certain standard of performance before it deems us lovable or even acceptable.

A woman’s whole existence__LOVE

LOVE is necessary for all human survival and it seems that females have a great capacity to love – both to give and to receive it. For example, a woman’s great capacity to love surfaces when she picks up needle and thread to mend the tear in the shirt. When she prepares a meal, her love mingles with the food. When she rises for two o’clock feeding, she does so with love. When she dresses the baby, love is the crowning drive. When she frosts a birthday cake, love shines through. When she feeds a stray kitten at the back door, she has tapped her love resource. When she gazes romantically into the glow of a warm fireplace, it symbolizes her love.

A woman’s capacity to love can draw the very best for a man – so inspiring him that he may lay aside a life of crime. Her love can spark hope and renewed trust in a man – even making him feel wanted, worthwhile, important and almost great. The wave of her hands as he leaves in the morning and her warm greeting when he arrives at home at night evidence her love. When his nerves are shattered and signs of exhaustion surface, her love can comfort him. When discouragement crushes him and his hopes and dreams have crumbled, she can help him build new ones.

The world needs the gentle, loving and affectionate touch of a woman and the love within her merely awaits the right man to tap its fountain of warmth and affection. But women also have a great capacity for love. Not only are they capable of sharing vast amounts of affection but they also have a large capacity to absorb love in return. And the key to her own storehouse of love lies within the hands of man who offers to her marital happiness and emotional security by returning that deep affection.

Often before marriage, when a young man woos a woman, he persists night and day with loving words and tender deeds. But once he has won her as a bride, he often fails to recognize her intense need to feel loved on a day-to-day basis for the rest of her life.

Because of her capacity for affection, daily expressions of romantic love are vital to a human’s existence. It is the key to her self-worth, her satisfaction with married life and her sexual responsiveness. If a man feels trapped in a bored, tired marriage, he might look to himself for part of the answer. By consistently and thoughtfully expressing romantic love, many men could melt even the most frigid wife.

One bewildered husband complained of not being able to understand his wife. “I have given her everything she wants and needs. We have a custom-built home in the best town, and the whole bit. I’m a faithful husband who doesn’t drink or beat the kids. But she says she’s so miserable and I can’t figure out why!” This man didn’t realize that his wife would trade the custom-built house and all its conveniences for a few affectionate words from him. These things do not make a woman feel cherished but being somebody’s sweetheart does.

Many men are nearly totally unaware of a woman’s need for romantic love, because for centuries, society has focused on women meeting the sexual needs of their husband. It might even be that some men would settle for a business arrangement of sorts in marriage as long as it included meals, housekeeping, hostessing and sexual privileges as the occasion called for them. Romance might be an added benefit but certainly not a requirement.

Not so with a woman! Such a relationship would drive her wild with frustration. She must have something more meaningful. She yearns to be someone special to her husband – to be cherished, respected, appreciated and loved. Only recently has it surfaced that a woman’s needs for emotional  fulfillment is ever bit as pressing as is the male’s need for sexual release. It is as unjustifiable for a man to ignore his wife’s need for romantic love as it is for her to deny him his sexual urges.

This explain why a homemaker spends so much time thinking about her husband during the day, why an anniversary is more important to her than it is to him and why she feels so frustrated when her husband forgets such courtesies. It also explains why a woman constantly “reaches” for her husband when at the end of the day he gets home and settles comfortably behind the newspaper or in front of the television.

Emotional security is the ultimate goal in woman’s life. Therefore, many a woman continually seeks reassurance from her husband by asking him to do something for her that she could easily do for herself. His willingness serves as a measure of his love and regard.

Sometimes, a woman expects her husband to do what she wants done without being asked because she sees this as an evidence of even a greater degree of love for her. Consequently, she may not always tell him what she really wants done. And if he fails to do what she desires, she becomes indignant.

Sometimes, a wife may deny that she wants what she actually does want. If her husband takes her at her word, she feels disturbed. She rationalizes that she is so important to her husband that he should understand and meet her desires, regardless. For example, misunderstandings often occur in the bedroom as a result of such female behavior. He makes sexual advances and she widraws.

In an effort to be considerate of her wishes, he turns over and tries to sleep. At this point, she might cry or nurse hurt and angry feelings. Why? She assumes that she should be so irresistibly attractive that her husband will persist in his efforts despite all the obstacles she puts in his way. If he doesn’t insist, she concludes that he doesn’t love her enough and her emotional security becomes threatened.

Such game-playing causes tremendous confusion. Women should learn how to verbalize their needs in an open and honest way. And men must recognize the enormous need on the part of women for security.

Some men feel, “If I told my wife everyday that I love her, it wouldn’t mean anything anymore”. However, loving words spoken sincerely to a wife will always mean something special. If she responds with enthusiasm, you will know instantly that you hit your mark. But some women do not say much or give any visible indication that they heard or understood the words. This doesn’t mean the loving expressions weren’t needed, however. Some women have been conditioned to hold in their feelings and only seldom respond with an outward display of affection. But such messages will work in her heart. Give her time.

Perhaps your wife knows very well that you appreciate and care for her, but she still needs to hear those words of endearment.

Some caution for wives: Some women expect too much attention from their husbands. The mass media – novels, movies, magazines and television soap operas – have often portrayed a distorted picyure of the harsh realities involved in marriage. If the wife compares her husband to the professionally groomed hero on the screen, the husband may most likely fall short. Feelings of frustration, unhappiness and bitterness can then result. Some women tend to live in a dream world and imagine that one can live on love alone. Although romance is sweet and good, a cake made from nothing but sugar would soon dissolve.